El-No: Jorts And A Watery Grave

I do not enjoy ironic denim.

Nor do I have the legs for shorts. This means that you will never see me in jorts. EVER. Even as a costume. NOT HAPPENING.

It is with this anti-jort mindset that I discuss this reader submitted photo.

Holy cutoffs!

How is this a good idea? These too short, too tight (is that a panty line I detect?) cutoffs are making me happy that September is around the corner. Miss El-No, please put the shorts away  – or burn them in a holiday weekend bonfire. Trust me, they make much better kindling than clothing.

How about this adorable Retro Chic dress from Torrid ($79.50) instead? The flattering hemline and nautical detailing are perfect for an end of summer fete. With all the cash she saves on her cute maritime dress, Miss El-No can afford to hire a boat to bury her jorts at sea.