El-No: These Shoes Must Go

So, this happened. Someone let their Birkenstocks out of the "Donate" Spring cleaning bag.

(I am embarassed to admit that I had Birkenstock clogs once. I was in high school and was obviously going through a phase. I also spent an disconcerting amount of time making mix tapes. Oh to be seventeen again...)

These unflattering leather sandals should only be worn by the following people: 

1. Costume party hippies 

2. Women over the age of fifty who shop at Chico's and like eclectic jewelry. 

3. Podiatry patients

Mr El-No does not appear to fit into any of these categories. Thus he needs to loose the lame-o sandals and switch into a beachy boat shoe. How about one of the Band of Outsiders for Sperry options? I am in luuuurv with these Men's 3 Eye Boat Shoes for $175.