El-No: You Know You Love It

Pantless and wearing ripped hose, Miss El-No was wandering down the sidewalk ahead of me yesterday evening. At first, I was concerned that something was wrong…. Perhaps she was disoriented or confused? Had she been attacked? She sort of looked like a victim on Law & Order: Los Angeles.

I was honestly a bit worried. As she meandered down Wacker Drive, countless businessmen stopped and stared. Was that her bum sticking out of those ripped hot pants?

I quickened my pace. Miss El-No was having a very impassioned phone conversation about Gossip Girl. I got up close to her right as she ended the call. Of course! It all makes sense!

Miss El-No was suffering from acute Gossip Girl overexposure. Amazingly not covered on Web MD, this illness has several debilitating symptoms: pantlessness, daytime stilettos, and excessive use of “xoxo.” Based on my observations, I would say that Miss El-No has it bad.

Just because Serena forgets her bottoms, doesn’t make it ok. Get this girl some pants!!

These classic options would be a much better choice for a chilly October evening in the Loop.

Slim Black Trousers from Theory for $275

Italian Wool Minnie Pant from J.Crew for $168

True Straight Pants from Gap for $49.50