El-Yes: Fondness for Ford; Passion for Paltrow

Oh Gwynie. Just when I think that I couldn't love you anymore, you show up looking perfect.

I am not sure this is good for my health or wallet. I am already an avid goop reader, lover of Tracy Anderson, and Spanish food convert. I refuse to name my future child Apple. Stop making me have a girl crush on you!!!

Obviously, Gwyneth Paltrow's Tom simple Tom Ford sheath/ cape was my favorite look from last night's Academy Awards. Call me old fashioned, but you just can't top pristine tailoring. She was a modern take on Sixties vintage. I might have to go reread A Thousand Days of Magic: Dressing Jackie Kennedy for the White House. 

Sorry J.Lo- nip slips and open shoulders do nothing for me. 

Don't judge. I'm not the only one with a Gwyeth crush. Check out this pony post from Lock and Mane. 

Since I have spent all of my hard earned cash on workout dvds, Coldplay downloads, and goop iPad apps, I'm looking to Rent the Runway for some help in channelling my inner Paltrow. 

This Icelandic Dreams Dress from Halston Heritage provides the same lines and color (but with a more real-life friendly knee length hemline). It retails for $295 but you can rent it for $60! You can add a little sparkle with this Cara Accessories Dress Me Up Cuff Bracelet for $15. 

El-No: Big Cat Coiffure

Can a leopard change her spots?

Lord, I hope so. Otherwise Miss El-No is going to be stuck with this horribly unflattering hair situation. Meow.

I love when fashion seeks inspiration from Mother Nature, but this lesson isn't working. Leopard spots evolved as a type of camouflage- it protected these kitties as they hunted through the brush at night. Miss El-No is using her spots in another way- a cry for hair help.

Girlfriend should save the prints for her accessories and find a new do. Lock and Mane, can you help?

El-No: Head Case

According to the Dictionary, a scrunchie is “a thick elasticated band loosely covered with fabric, used to hold a bunch of hair, for example, in a pony tail.”

Interesting. Obviously those reference book people didn’t call me up to write the description of this lovely hair accessory. If I were consulted, the definition would read:

Scrunchie (n) a thick elasticated band covered with fabric, popularized in the Eighties and worn only by children, cheerleaders, ironic hipsters who shop at American Apparel, or women while washing their faces at night (but only as a last resort)

Seriously. Who wears scrunchies?

This lady does obviously…. and bedazzled hair pins too. I not so slyly chased Miss El-No down the street hoping to catch a good shot of this hair don’t. What resulted was a series of action shots that are making me consider publishing a bad hair flipbook.

I think Miss El-No should ditch the outdated hair accessories. She can update her look with some of these classic options from Lock and Mane.

Deepa Gurnani Stone and Chain Three Circle Headwrap for $75

France Luxe Melrose Ponytail Holder for $23

Jennifer Ouellette Extra Wide Striped Headband for $28

El-No: Airport Miracle

I might need to move into Ohare.

The airport is where I get the best fashion faux pastographs. I plan to set up shop between the Vosges and the Starbucks in the United terminal. Then I will have round-the-clock access to Mo’s Bacon Bar and Lattes. Perfect!

I saw Miss El-No in the Denver airport while I was waiting for my flight to Chicago. She was waiting too… waiting for a hair miracle.

All she needs is a miracle; all she needs is Jennifer Ouellette. There is no reason to ever wear a jaw hair clip out in public. Ever. Please get this woman a satin Jennifer Ouellette hair elastic. Ranging in price from $15 for a satin elastic knot pony to $45 for a satin tie feather pony, these little lovelies will brighten up travel day hair.

El-No: Hair Stare

Sometimes I feel really old.

Yesterday was one of those days. The following things occurred:

1. I was called Ma’am.
2. I googled “The Dougie” because I was curious about the actual dance.
3. I saw Miss El-No and was perplexed by the ‘do. I thought to myself… “How will she get a job with that hair?”

Who am I? When did I become an adult?

I really do not understand this hair.

I love and respect Mohawks and faux-hawks. Click here to read my discussion of the two on Lock and Mane. Teens are supposed to visually defy authority and social convention and these hairstyles of rebellion are old news. Mohawks no longer illicit shock and stares; they just seem normal.

But Miss El-No actually made me stop in my tracks. Her hairstyle seemed seditious and subversive. The extra clump of hair changed the whole dynamic.

Interesting? Yes.

Attractive and employable? No.

Maybe that was her aim? Or, maybe her hand slipped when she was buzzing her head?



El-No: Hair Today, Back Tomorrow

The Italian Renaissance brought beautiful art and architecture, advancements in anatomy, and lovely religious paintings and sculptures. But anyone who took Art History 101 would know that. This time period was also special for another reason. It’s the era of the big brow.

Starting around the 15^th century, Italian women began plucking their hairline and eyebrows to create a larger forehead. Ouch! The trend got more extreme as the Renaissance traveled north through Europe. Remember Queen Elizabeth I in Shakespeare In Love? England’s redhead Virgin Queen practically had a five-head.

What better way to show off a massive temple then forehead jewelry? Renaissance ladies wore horizontal headbands called ferronieres. These decorative bands also served a dual purpose- they were camouflage for skin marks from syphilis. Love multifunctional items!

Fast forward to 2008. The horizontal “hippie” headband made a come back. Look, I love a bohemian as much as the next girl, but I just don’t think that hippies are hip. This ferronieresque fad just wasn’t flattering.

Fast forward to 2010, why is this horizontal headband still around? Please stop wearing these. Accessories shouldn’t make you think of a sexually transmitted disease. Need some new ideas for your hair? Check out Lock & Mane for some tips and tricks. 

El-No: From Faux to Mo

El-No Chicago made a guest appearance on my favorite hair blog and retailer Lock and Mane. Indulge. Rinse. Repeat. And Read: From Faux to Mo