El-Yes: Clothing Crush

Sometimes I get girl crushes on people's outfits. 

This usually results in my staring longingly at the ensemble while slowly calculating if I can pull off the look/ silently berating myself that I didn't think of it first. When discovered, I blush and look away quickly. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by kicking mad fashion game. 

Miss El-Yes was wearing one of those outfits. She looked perfect for a casual weekend dinner with friends- understated and chic. What is more exciting? I could totally wear this look while preggers. Capes and ponchos are quickly becoming a favorite. You can get this look too with a quick shopping trip to Anthropologie. 

Hallowell Cowlneck ($148)

Earnest Sewn Harlem Cigarette Jean for $198

Wrapped Marita Wedges for $328

Daytripper Bag for $398

El-Yes: Fall Floral Fashion and Fish

I want it (both her skirt and her sushi lunch).

Although I consider myself a fashion lover, at five months preggers, I'd probably go after her spicy tuna roll in a throw down. But I digress.

I love the modern and graphic take on floral. This skirt is feminine but never crosses the line into girly/frilly. Such a crisp way to celebrate Fall!

Get her look with this bold Shadow Skirt from Boden  ($70.40). You'll be the sassiest sushi eater in Chicago... at least until March. Then I plan to defend my title. 

El-No: Business Formal Flub

I actually noticed her first as she was walking behind me. Frustrated with work, she was venting to a friend. As the two quickened their pace and passed me, I noticed the catastrophic cardi situation.

Miss El-No was all business in her grey lightweight wool suit. She looked rather lovely and professional- right down to her adorbs ballet flats. But why the long face... I mean sweater? Cheer up girlfriend!

Yes, it is chilly outside. Layering makes sense. But a long sweater paired with a short suit jacket? That's like mixing oil and water. It is a bad idea and screams of incorrect proportions and mismatched styles.

Miss El-No can fix this look with two possible solutions. She could swap out the long cardigan and replace it with a slim pullover (like this one from Banana Republic for $59.50)- a great way to build layers into a business formal look. Option two would be to ditch the sweater all together and to layer with a topcoat (like this BR monogram wool coat from Banana Republic for $250).

Problem solved!

El-No: I Dye

Pirate lore says that "X" marks the spot for buried treasure.

Sadly, I have not read any stories that discuss the significance of a giant ring symbol on the tushie. Does anyone know what "O" is supposed to mean? Maybe "Oprah was here?"

I think “O” indicates “objectionable pants” or possibly “obnoxious use of resist dyeing.”  

Resist dying, the technique that is responsible for this textile travesty, means that fabric is treated to resist the dye in some spots. The treatment helps the artist create patterns in the fabric.  Batik, one type of resist dyeing, is a wax-resist procedure that is rooted in Southeast Asian fabric traditions. Tie Dyeing, a contemporary form of resist dyeing, accomplishes the same result by using bands or knots to keep the dye from penetrating.

Either way, Miss El-No should have resisted wearing these harem pants. No one needs a gigantic halo on their bum.

Perhaps she could have showed her devotion to dyeing another way? I’m lusting after this Antik Batik Flame Printed Mini Dress ($475). Of course this Batik long sleeve silk blouse from Adam ($245) seems slightly more reasonable as we head into the cooler months. It would be the perfect layering piece for work or a long cozy weekend.

El-No: Searching For Molly Ringwald

In every teenage romantic comedy, there is always a "bad girl." A girl whose edgy style is sexy and mysterious. Miss El-No must have been getting her styling advice from Sixteen Candles or She's All That. 

This look is a little overly sexy/ spicy for a crisp Fall morning at 8am.  I think that the high school hall monitor might be upset about her ensemble. He will probably label her one of "those girls" and give her a detention. 

The micro mini and thigh high bondage boot combo have me concerned. Isn't she cold? Or possibly worried about catching some sort of cha cha related disease on the train/ bus? 

Upon further photo inspection, I think that she may actually be wearing solid knee high boots and thigh high thick socks/ legwarmers. This is much worse than I thought. 

Obviously a makeover is in order. This ensemble looks a bit more schooltime sassy: 

Plaid Pleat Sleeve Blouse by Bell for $215

Cypress Slim Bell Jean by Genetic Denim for $187

BC Footwear Ballet Flat in Limousine for $46.90

El-No: A Tutu For You You

Obviously real life and The Real Housewives of New Jersey have little in common. Regardless, I am glued to it. I like to think of it as a bedazzled Ed Hardy train wreck. Almost tacky fashion porn.

This morning, reality TV and reality were one and the same. During my morning commute I witnessed quite a site. The ensemble was like a grown up version of a tutu puffy skirts that would be worn by an RHONJ junior cast member. Sort of a Toddlers and Tiaras meets Christian Audigier tulle disaster.

Of course this Sugar Plum Fairy was an adult. The worst part was that her sky blue confection matched her pale blue hair. Bad news for sure. Hair just shouldn't be the color of toilet bowl cleaner or dish soap. Sadly, Miss El-No and her ballet skirt hopped off the Blue Line before I could get a picture. 

I can think of a million better ways to incorporate a ballet inspiration into your wardrobe. I love a good ballet sweater- such a perfectly sweet way to layer this Fall. Check out this wrap sweater from Discount Dance Supply. Go ahead twinkle toes, this chic wrap is only $22.50!

El-No: Scarlet Jo No No

The problem with photography is that you can only capture what you see in front of you.

Unfortunately, I did not move fast enough to snap a picture of the red and hot pink six inch long feather earrings, the blue eye-shadow, or the pink frosted lipstick. Sadly, I was only able to document the tomato red tube socks over the white leggings. 

It appears that Sacajawea is stuck in the Eighties. I am sorry to say that she left her spin art t-shirt and Bangles cassette tapes at home. 

There has got to be a better way to incorporate scarlet into your wardrobe. Miss El-No needs to skp this look and try for something a little more timeless and chic. My suggestion is this poppy colored cashmere tea dress from J. Crew for $228. This is a perfect basic piece to transition from Fall to Winter. Totally worth the investment as the simple cut will remain current for years. 

El-Yes: Everyday I'm Shufflin'

I should have known that the cab ride would be bad.

Yesterday, my cab driver was blasting Party Rock Anthem AND texting while driving.  In the longest fifteen minutes of my life, we cut off TWO ambulances (with their lights flashing and sirens going) and almost killed a pedestrian. I can't be certain, but I am pretty sure that taxi man was fist pumping out the window. 

When we finally pulled over, I ran out of the cab and practically kissed the ground in joy. I was kind of like an astronaut returning to earth, only with a much better outfit and no space induced hypotension. Do you see these pavement skid marks? I think you can blame Nicki Minaj (cab guy's favsie). 

Anyway, while recovering from the mobile dance party, I noticed Miss El-Yes. I want it (even though I detest skinny jeans). She looks so freaking chic. 

Get the look with this Moschino Cheap & Chic silk blouse for $293.70. Just pair it was a slim pair of black slacks or skinnies and some black flats. Love!

El-Yes: Fantastic Fall

A poncho and shorts are not my usual lust objects.

While they pale in comparison to Jake Gyllenhaal or an Oscar de La Renta cocktail dress, they make an adorable ensemble.

I saw Miss El-Yes walking over by SAIC. She was fashion forward, on trend, and as cozy as a mug of hot apple cider. I need this look!

Poncho: Amber Sun Zip Front Merino Cape for $158
Shorts: Mackage Shorts for $295
Tights: J.Crew Ribbed Tights for $26.50
Shoes: J.Crew Mona Suede Pumps for $198

El-No: Pants Are Fun

I thought the altitude altered my ability to be snarky. Darn you Colorado!

But then I got to the airport...

Flying in pajamas is inexcusable (unless you are under the age of five). Last time I checked, putting on actual pants seemed relatively effortless. At least easy enough to accomplish before a 5pm departure.

I shudder to think what Miss El-No wears on an early morning flight.

Pants are fun. Seriously, way more exciting than flannel pajama bottoms. I think that's why people like wearing them out in public. Miss El-No should checkout these comfy options from Boden* next time she hits the friendly skies.

Straight Leg Jeans in Black, Indigo, Mid Vintage, Iris, Winter Berry, or Canary for $88

Wide Leg Cords in Grenedine, Fudge, Mocha, or Navy for $98

* You're in luck! Boden is having a Columbus Day Sale. Time to order pants! 

El-Yes: What's Better Than Elvis?

I have a meat hangover. Gross but true. 

We stopped into the Lockdown for burgers this weekend. This place is ridiculous and turned me into a glutton (the likes of which has only surfaced once at a Lilly Pulitzer trunk show and sample sale).

Thankfully, I wore my eatin' pants to dinner. 

Regardless, the Fat Elvis burger kicked my butt and resulted in an evening spent on the sofa while in a burger coma. Lord almighty I feel my temperature rising. Thank ya. Thank ya very much.

Through this banana/peanut butter/ burger induced haze, I noticed this El-Yes of an outfit. What a perfect combination of color, pattern, and metallic flare! I love this look almost as much as my amazing dinner.

Order up this ensemble by following the links below:

Shawl: Midnight Blue 2 Ply wrap  from The Pashmina Store for $59.99 
Cardigan: 3.1 Phillip Lim Twist Neck Cardigan from La Garconne for $475
Shirt: Leifsdottir Navy Horse Play Blouse from Bluefly for $114
Jeans: Hudson Jeans Baby Bootcut Stretch Denim from Nordstrom for $198 
Shoes: Metallic Boat Shoe from Sperry for $85

El-Yes: Missed Connections

You: Girl whose got it going on (pattern mixing, that is). 

Me: Mildly stalking you down Wacker Drive with hopes to get a good photo. This involved weaving in and out of pedestrians and also hanging up on my husband so that I could get my phone poised and ready.

You had me with the cream and brown leopard print sweater and navy straight skirt. But then I saw your fabulous bag! I adore this combination. I am also mildly jealous of the Pantene ad bouncy hair. 

I hope Miss El-Yes doesn't mind, but I totally want her look. I'm using her as the inspiration for some Fall shopping.

Top: Crumpet Leopard Print Cashmere Sweater from Net-a-porter for $465

Skirt: Heather Flannel Telegraph Pencil Skirt in Super 120s from J. Crew for $128

Bag: Andi Bag in Sunrise from 1154 Lill for $87

Shoes: Steven by Steve Madden Taupe Suede Noted Wedge from Piperlime for $169

Bling: Tinley Road Ivory Cabachon Bangle from Piperlime for $24

El-No: Potawhat-the-f*ck?

What's Cherokee for "unattractive fringed footwear?"

I saw Miss El-Nava-ho in the airport while I was waiting for our delayed Chicago flight. Five hours of waiting gave me lots of time to ponder these kicks. I had to ask myself: What strain of peyote was she smoking when she got dressed this morning?

This unflattering denim hot pant/ calf hi 3 length moc combo is all wrong. The shoes add bulk and hit her leg at the calf (creating accidental cankles) while the shortie jorties stop at the widest part of her leg. This beautiful girl just added unnecessary weight to her frame... Not to mention that this ensemble seems unsafe to wear while dancing with wolves.

Don't worry Miss El-No, this is an easy fix (no smoke signal decoding required)!

I think that your spirit animal is a Raven, as in Raven Denim. Word on the street is that these jeans look amazing on all body types. You can wear this Eva pair ($185) with these adorable Minnetonka suede driving moccasins ($55) for a much more seasonally appropriate look. Top the ensemble with this geometric Onam cardigan ($148) from Anthropologie. 

Now, knock off the rain dance please. I need to get home to Chicago!

El-No: Jammy Jams

Mistakes happen.

Just look at Sunday's Bears game.

But I think this oopsie-don't-e is not something that I can forgive. Girlfriend wore pajamas to go shopping. These aren't even pajama jeans, these are straight up breakfast-in-bed style pjs. The worst part is that they remind me of my 5th grade Lisa Frank folders and trapper keeper. Are cootie catchers in for Fall?

Miss El-No, you really can't be bothered to get dressed? At least invite the rest of us to the slumber party!

Swap out the sleepy sloppy slacks for some jeans from City Blue Denim. Those girls can totally help you find a successful balance between comfort and style. 

El-No: Just Say No!

I'm currently drugged. 

Seriously, this Tylenol PM stuff is potent. I'm not sure how this OTC sleep aid is street legal. I'm going to need a coffee and a cold shower ASAP. 

So, it is with woozy words that I discuss this backless disaster. 

I discovered Miss El-No at Bliss. She was obviously blissfully unaware of the horror that was her shirt/ bra combination. On further inspection (i.e. sneaking up behind her to check out the nailcare products), I realized that the shirt and bra were connected. This unattractive combination was actually on purpose. 

The only logical explaination for this design blip is that the design team must have been on drugs. 

I can see how a shirt/ bra combination could seem like a good idea while sedated. As you shift between awake and asleep lots of things seem like a good idea. Isn't that what Tiger Woods said about Ambien? But have you ever heard of a million dollar idea being born through sedation? I rest my case. 

This is not the stuff of dreams. No, this is your brain on drugs. 

El-No: Imma Transformer

Call off the bloodhounds. The search is over.

I have found the world’s least flattering skirt.

This remarkable skirt is baby poop brown colored and includes drawstrings that allow the wearer to shorten or lengthen it. How resourceful! I imagine that this trick might be quite popular in a floodplain or at a grape stomp.

Miss El-No has chosen to wear this convertible garment with layered multi-colored camis, cowboy boots, and a fedora. Nothing about this look is good.

I am all convertible clothing. I think Miss El-No should ditch the skirt and check out a dress from Two Birds instead. These beautiful dresses are adaptable to a variety of body types and events. Love! 

El-Buy: How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

Problem: Maria Pinto has really good taste.

I fell for Fall.

Well, really I fell in love with Maria Pinto's version of Fall fashion. It is as cozy and crisp as a glass of apple cider.

Last night, I met the Chicago designer and now creative director of Mark Shale. She was fabulous (as were her sassy upturned cat eye glasses). She detailed our her Autumnal must haves to a crowd of bloggers and shoppers.

Pinto and her team have revamped the Chicago fashion staple with new brands and a refined approach to fashion. She talked about wardrobe building with signature pieces or classics. The store is packed with clean lines, rich cashmere (loving the Mark Shale cashmere long cardigans), and zippy twists. 

While I would like EVERYTHING in the newly styled store, my favorites were from By Marlene Birger, Rene Lezard, and Blue Duck Shearling. 

Mark Shale Fall Favorites by elnochicago on Polyvore.com

Patine sequined cardigan - By Malene Birger
1.999 DKK - bymalenebirger.com

Flori lace shirt - By Malene Birger
1.599 DKK - bymalenebirger.com

Cleva lace skirt - By Malene Birger
1.599 DKK - bymalenebirger.com

 * Thank you to Nicki from Fashionista Chicago

El-Yes: Lady In Red

So tired.

I woke up too early this morning (thanks to a before dawn text conversation). Not that I am upset at all… the message was from my husband, telling me that he was standing next to Hilary Duff at the airport. Tres exciting celeb spotting!

So, it looks like I need a Nineties love song and an IV of pumpkin spice latte to get this day started.

Once I am properly caffeinated, I will be able to discuss the fabulousness that is Miss El-Yes’s ensemble. I love a lady in red (especially this cool tone scarlet that looks so good on blondes). 

Get this perfect crimson look with DVF’s Madeline Tie-Waist Dress ($345). This versatile dress will take you from work to night. Pair it with these gorgeous leg-lengthening Loeffler Randall Deena Peep-Toe Wedges ($395).

I’m totally giddy about the tan saddlebag that Miss El-Yes has used to accessorize her look. Check out this affordable Fall River Island Croc Across Body Saddle Bag from Asos (only $43.91!). Of course, I might hold out for this buttery leather option from Rachel Comey for $518. 

El-No: Jorts And A Watery Grave

I do not enjoy ironic denim.

Nor do I have the legs for shorts. This means that you will never see me in jorts. EVER. Even as a costume. NOT HAPPENING.

It is with this anti-jort mindset that I discuss this reader submitted photo.

Holy cutoffs!

How is this a good idea? These too short, too tight (is that a panty line I detect?) cutoffs are making me happy that September is around the corner. Miss El-No, please put the shorts away  – or burn them in a holiday weekend bonfire. Trust me, they make much better kindling than clothing.

How about this adorable Retro Chic dress from Torrid ($79.50) instead? The flattering hemline and nautical detailing are perfect for an end of summer fete. With all the cash she saves on her cute maritime dress, Miss El-No can afford to hire a boat to bury her jorts at sea. 

El-Yes: Put Your Back Into It

Some people think in metaphor. I think in Nineties hip hop references. In the immortal words of Ice Cube “ You can do it put your back into it.”

I only saw Miss El-Yes from behind. Regardless, I just knew that this was a good outfit from any direction.

She has hit all of my work appropriate favorites: Stripes! Color! Pencil Skirt! Ballet Flats! I am seriously having a preptastical design orgasm. I might explode. Grosgrain ribbon and J. Crew catalogs might come flying out of me at any moment.

Quick! Find me a fanny pack. It is the only antidote to style over-stimulation.

Get her winning look in two different price points:

Splurge:

Proenza Schouler Striped Tissue Jersey Tee for $375

J. Crew No. 2 Pencil Skirt in Double Serge Wool in Spicy Gold for $120

Chloe Scalloped Black Ballet Flat for $475

Steal:

T Los Angeles Long Sleeve Striped Tee for $66

Halogen Seamed Pencil Skirt in Green Moss or Yellow Raisin for $68

ModCloth Evening Walk Flat for $29.99